that feeling i get right after things are new
the feeling i get when the exciting part has run it's course
the feeling that since i don't really know what to do next maybe i won't try to figure it out
the feeling that i need help & don't know who to ask
& i almost convinced myself, this week
that the dream i have
the dream that i've had for some years now
the dream that when i tell people about it they say
'i would totally go there!'
that maybe it's not for me
maybe it's too hard...
i'm not afraid of work
even hard work
my first job was at mcdonald's where my manager was the first person to ever say
'sucks to be you' to me.
thanks, dude, just keep dazzling me with that charm.
i have had a lot of jobs in my life
& someday i will list them, just for fun
& then i will post all of my journals from middle school
just to complete the torture...
working is not the problem...
the problem is
i'm afraid of succeeding
(& that is such a weird thing to say
& i know i'm not the only one to ever say it in
the history of the world,
& i don't know why that is
& this is not a therapy session
so i'm not going to dive in now
because the point is
that i have decided that even though i'm afraid
i'm still going to press on.
i'm going to swim in numbers & figure out the projected income & outgo
& how much i would have to pay people
& how often i will have to pay taxes
& oh my goodness did you just fall asleep too?
but i'm going to press on
because after that is another exciting part
& then probably something scary & boring
& then excitement
& then awful & weird
& then awesome
& then what???!!!
& then YES!
& i'm thinking that i won't mind that at all
(& it could make for some pretty exciting blog posts
especially during the what???!!! stage)
bear with me, here, it's a little bit woo-woo
& super touchie feelie
(hey, i live in eugene, oregon, 'woo-woo super touchie feelie' is pretty much our motto
that & 'if you don't like rain, you should probably not unpack')
today's email was just for me
here it is
(ps you should check out their site, it's so pretty & fun
& you can sign up for the emails
if you're that kind of person
or a eugene resident)
i love that
it reminds me of my favorite disney movie
'meet the robinsons'
if you haven't seen this go to blockbuster video right now
& rent it!
oops, i mean order it from netflix...
the theme that runs through that movie is
'keep moving forward'
& at the end there is this quote by walt disney
that my kids always ask me to read
& then they just end up saying 'nevermind'
because i can't get through it with out choking up...
usually i am crying way before the quote even appears...
please refer to aforementioned 'touchie feelie'
& i'm going to keep praying that someone will come along
who is both good with numbers & able to see my vision
& who knows that this is just what they've been looking for to do
& who can stand to be with me for a few days a month
(or however long you are supposed to discuss numbers per month)
& who will be patient with my lack of number knowledge
(actually, i like numbers, it's when you start multiplying & fractioning that i get lost)
& who will know in their heart that this is where they are supposed to be...
i can't take any less with this area of the business
& i shouldn't
because if your business doesn't have money
then you've got no business trying to make money...
that almost sounded profound!
yes, i do.
because i'm so ready for the YES!
that i'm willing to go through the what??!!!
ps i haven't decided if i'm going to share actual numbers here on the blog
part of me thinks that it would be good
because it's all part of it & why not just lay it out
& no one ever really does that with a starting out businesses
(believe me i've looked around)
& another part thinks that would be stupid
i'm not really sure why but there's got to be a reason other people don't do it, right?
& i know...
i just KNOW that when that money/numbers/superhero person who
is supposed to work with me realizes it, they will know the answer.
i'm pretty sure they will...
so stay tuned, friends
things are about to get