just now, this sunday morning.
& i feel like a dork about it
because now, looking at it, it seems kind of obvious.
but i guess we all learn things at a different pace.
for example, i still don't know what an adverb is.
Q is learning about them right now & so i have hope that i might catch on.
if not, there's still miss m...
i have been operating under the impression that there was some sort of cap on how many friends you're allowed to have.
no one told me this, it's just one of those special rules i set for myself,
like leggings are not pants or only eating ice cream with my special spoon (just me?).
it's not that i'm against making friends with people.
it's just that i have been pretty determined to not get too close to new people
because (here's the rule):
i already have friends that i don't have time to see,
why would i want to add more?
this is what we would call flawed logic.
it makes sense because
A) i already have great friends (really, you should be jealous), they hold a place in my heart
& that place is so big that there is no room for anyone else & even though i rarely see my great friends they are so GREAT that i will not pursue anyone else, even people who i see almost every day at pick-up & drop-off (twice a day, everyday!) & who totally have the potential to become great friends, but no, i will stubbornly sit with no friends remembering the greats with a tear in my eye.
i guess i have no B).
am i afraid that if i get to know some people better it means that i don't love my great friends anymore?
do i think that when my great friends have other friends they don't love me any more?
the honest answer to both questions is no.
my friends aren't replaceable.
i'm not replaceable.
we've got bonds, baby. just try to break them.
but i have been holding on to the idea that if i don't have time to be with my friends who i don't live my life around, then i don't have time to hang out with people who i DO live my life around.
i kind of forgot that when you make a plan to meet with
a friend who you don't live near, there's all of that
when can you meet?*
where should we meet?
& then there's driving
& finding a parking spot
& getting a table
& choosing what to order
& only then can you start talking
(it makes sense that i didn't take into account all of those things because
when i need to be someplace at a certain time my motto is:
there will be no traffic or slow drivers in front of me or construction on my route because i only know how to leave the house with the exact amount of time allotted to get there when no one else in the city is driving.
a long motto, i know.
it's why i haven't gotten around to having it embroidered on a pillow)
amazingly i just realized that with a person that i see on a regular basis all i have to do is say 'hey! want to come over after drop-off?'
i know that things would be fine with my great friends,
we will always be great friends & make time for each other.
i know that life is just seasons & some seasons you see your friends less.
but hello, that's what texting is for.
in fact this might be the very best time in history for seasons of friendship.
except the 'little house on the prairie' times
(do not ask me when that was in terms of years (1900's? 1800's?), i'm waiting for Q to take history)
i think riding a horse to see my friends would be fun.
outhouses & one room schoolhouses with nellie olsen, not so much.
what i'm saying is
because i have decided to not only start to
see the people in front of me as potential good friends
(the greats take time, people)
but i'm going to widen my scope.
i have a little idea about inviting friends
(from 'just getting to know' friends to close friends)
to have dinner together.
my thought is that if i invite, like, 10 nice girls chances are 5 or 6 will say yes.
& do you know what happens when 6 girls get together?
the very best kind.
& if things go the direction i'm hoping
(as they almost never do, but still i hope :)
some people will find some new friends, too.
girls they never would have known but really needed to.
& they'll go start their own group.
gangs of girls, all over the city!
i'm starting a list
& going to invite 10 or so at a time
& see how it goes.
if you want to be included just let me know & you're there
(comment here or on fb or text or ride your horse to my house.
just don't give a note to nellie olsen to give to me, she'll do something awful with it).
we all just want to find our people.
so let's do something to help ourselves along...
& i think maybe you should think about doing this, too.
it's not an original idea.
just one i'm sharing because i needed to.
i know if you sat for a minute, you could think of a nice list of people who you would like to spend a dinner with.
pay no mind to if they know each other or might get along.
(of course, it could be fun to have a theme to who you invite, too:
crafty friends, mom friends, friends who like the bachelorette)
think of people you like.
chances are if you like them they'll like each other &
your dinner will be written up in the paper as
'the epic girls gang dinner of the year!'
(this is especially possible if you live in a small town).
i guess i'm just saying don't sweat it.
it's one dinner.
it's not up to you to make it amazing,
just plan it & see what happens.
if it's a bomb that's one more thing to talk about at the next dinner
(where you invite no one from the last).
trying new things is good.
it's where the greats all come from.
(i'm also planning on bringing my famous conversation cards.
(not sweating it, just bringing reinforcements)
famous because i bring them everywhere & torturously make people answer the questions.
whether they want to or not.
things like pet peeves & the best gift you've ever been given & where you'd like to vacation
are fun to answer & hear.
i really have found that it gives you such a fun insight to your friends.
& helps you know who you should hope to be stuck with
should you ever find yourself locked in a walk-in refrigerator.
a little tip:
it's totally awkward to get everyone's attention & say
'okay, we're going to all answer a few questions!'
do. it. anyway.
you find out the best stuff!
make sure everyone answers at least one
& then you can let the conversation flow.
is this a requirement?
the spies i have on retainer will not be watching your dinner.
it's just a suggestion :)
one more little note:
i think that this will be better also for me because if you invite a little group of people
the chance of connecting with one is much higher.
asking someone you hardly know to coffee is totally scary
& the thought of realizing after 2 sips that this is not going to work out sounds awful to me.
6 people = hope for a few good matches!
& a little reminder for your heart:
if you already have friends that you don't see
& who you miss terribly (hi, rachael!)
just remember that they are still there.
some other people just need to get to know you right now...
go for it girls!
*may i just say how awful trying to get together with a specific group of people is?
lists of dates & times & after 23 emails trying to figure it out you almost don't want to meet with these people anymore. just choose a date!!!
it's always worth it, of course, but man, it's exhausting.
(i have a group of friends & we just have a certain day of every month that we meet
(third monday, if you must know :)
so that helps.
but i have to be honest & say that even then it doesn't happen for everyone sometimes.
we're just living life together, right?
& sometimes life doesn't really go by a schedule.
for this reason i'm just going to pick a date & invite people.
if they can come, awesome!
if not, i'll invite them again.
no dropping off the list because you have a life outside of my plan.
& now i feel like i need to end on a more upbeat note...
go, fight, win the day!
go find your people :)
ps. my sincerest apologies to those of you who do not like to be called girls.
it's just how i refer to females, old or young.
please feel free to mentally change the gang of girls
to league of ladies,
web of women!
force of females!
huddle of hers!
cluster of chicks!
whatever you please :)